Apparently, I'm the only one on the Internet that thinks Tony Robbins's Jan. 2006 TED Talk was bad. It's in the Top 20 of all time, and even if you try to google "Tony Robbins TED talk [bad/awful/painful/profanity-laced/garbage]" you just get the talk itself, or people talking about how good it was. There are some skeptical comments on the TED site itself -- other people, like me, who he just rubs the wrong way -- but for the most part, everyone seems to love him. As mentioned before, this was one of the things I didn't get about that book "Quiet" -- about introverts -- author Susan Cain's praise for Tony Robbins.
If it works for some people -- and for some, it does -- that's fine. People like me can just ignore him.
Having written this post, I now see that it goes on and on. If you got here by random googling and don't have much time to spare, I encourage you to scroll down to the end. That's where the most interesting stuff is. The stuff before is my attempt -- largely unsuccessful -- to try to even figure out what Tony's speech was about.
It's interesting that he used to advise Bill Clinton -- I see the two of them as very much alike. They are both people that come across to me as complete phonies, and yet they both have something of a cult following, and what's more (sad to say), despite their phoniness and self-absorption, both of them seem to be doing a lot more good for the world than I'll ever be able to do. Sad but true.
I listened to a set of Robbins's tapes a long time ago. He always seemed a little sadistic to me -- just a little too happy to rub the fact that he is rich, famous, and successful in the faces of his listeners. E.g., there was one about forcing yourself to do things you don't like to do. Like the time he got home and was tired and there were a bunch of phone calls (presumably from people like Bill Clinton) that he had to return. He made lemons out of lemonade by returning the calls from his hot tub.
And when he gets bored or depressed, he just gets in his helicopter with his wife (well, his first wife, see below) and flies the helicopter on the beach at night. Or something like that, the way I remember it.
And he seems to grab at any passing fad. In the late 1990s, just as the stock market was ramping up to the soon-to-burst tech bubble, Robbins started teaching seminars about how to make money in the stock market. And also, on one of his tapes, he talks about a woman who was able to win the lottery a couple of times through positive thinking. He doesn't guarantee it will work for you, but suggests that it's really worth a try. In other words, he was preaching "The Secret" before all those other wackos started making money off of it a few years later. I note in this regard that Wayne Dyer did that too -- the self-help industry is always following the money.
In the TED talk, he does make good points about the importance of passion, perseverance, and the good that comes from helping others. And he's a great speaker -- he definitely holds your attention.
But he is soooooooo egotistical. When you think about it, everything is about him. He starts off by wondering why HE is even here, doing this for free, when HIS TIME is so valuable. HE's giving back, he says. He then talks about what HE does -- the 50 hour immersion seminars. He goes on to say that the sports star calls HIM when he's fallen off his game, is burning down on national TV, and needs to get back on ASAP. People also call HIM when they have a child who is threatening suicide, and thank God, HE hasn't lost one yet.
In the talk he draws a strange distinction -- he is not there to motivate people, he's the "why guy" -- he figures out why you do what you do. He believes "emotion is the
force of life." Not (just) self-interest, but emotion.
He sees two major issues in his work -- the science of achievement, and the art of contribution, and the art of fulfillment. Ok, that sounds like three, I know. But maybe the last two are the same.
He rambles on a bit at first -- we live in a therapy culture where people think biography is destiny, and that they can blame the way they are brought up for everything that's wrong. I don't know if it was an intentional paradox, but he also talks about those who were given all the love, money, support etc. as they were growing up but still ended up in rehab. [Note: Steven Pinker's TED talk makes the more scientific point that studies of identical twins show that our genes contain our destiny -- it really doesn't matter what you do with the kid for the first 18 years or however long you have them -- they turn out pretty much the same. Not a particularly optimistic message, and probably not completely true either -- there's no question in my mind that the educational advantages received by the very rich -- as opposed to the disadvantages of those growing up in drug-ridden single parent homes, for instance -- make a very real difference in how a person will turn out]
[Total aside -- I was just on Tony Robbins's website looking to see whether Al Gore was a client of his, which might suggest that Al Gore's "Supreme Court" gag during the TED Talk was staged. I had gotten that idea by listening to Al Gore's TED Talks, in which he seems to be practically channeling Tony Robbins. And given Gore's congenital wooden-ness, it was hard to believe that he would have the presence of mind to interrupt a TED Talk like that. I couldn't find any confirmation of the Gore-as-client theory, but I found the thing where Robbins promotes himself as a devoted family man -- father of four children. That sounded a bit odd to me, since I remember from listening to his tapes back in the 1990s that he talked a lot about his wife and how she already had children when she married him, and how that created an "instant family." And I see from wikipedia that he also had an illegitimate child with someone else, before his first marriage. So really, he is the father of eight children, by/with three women, claiming fatherhood only when convenient. I can't personally verify any of this, and I really don't care, but it sure sounds like he started up with his 2001 wife while he was still married to his 1980s and 1990s wife. Anyway, I guess one would want to question his first wife and his first set of kids -- plus the illegitimate one -- on whether or not he's a good family man before simply accepting the statement. Google a bit and you can find a letter from him to one of his fans explaining the divorce -- he stuck with the marriage until the children had all reached maturity, and at that point, they split up, because there was no shared vision anymore. OK, back to the speech]
Here are some snippets: "If you're creative
enough, playful enough, fun enough, can you get through to anybody."
Actually, I'm trying to read this transcript and I just can't follow it. It seems to be a bunch of platitudes and partial lists strung together. He says that "decisions shape
destiny," and then he promises to tell us the three decisions that shape your destiny. The first is clearly "what are you going to focus on?" I can't tell what the other two are. Maybe "is this the end or the beginning," and maybe "Is God punishing me or rewarding me, or is this the roll of the
dice?" We are asked if we've made a decision that has resulted in something life-changing happening. Of course we have. As he points out, you might take a certain job, and meet a certain person there, and marry that person. Duh.
In the talk, he includes at least two plugs for Google. First, he calls the founders geniuses, and asks how the world might have been different if they had decided to follow a different business model. And later he trashes MapQuest (calling using it a "fatal mistake" and suggesting that it never gets you where you want to go), wishing that Google Maps were available on his Mac [I've never had a problem with MapQuest by the way -- in fact, for the record, I find it more user-friendly than Google Maps, although Google has some features I like]. So now his point seems to be that some people make decisions that change the world -- like the Google guys. And Rosa Parks. Or the student in front of the Tiananmen Square tank.
And then he moves on to Lance Armstrong. That's why I like watching old TED Talks. The speakers have no idea what the future will hold. Often they make predictions for the year I'm living in. And sadly, the predictions aren't anywhere near accurate. This is a bit different. Here's what he said:
"Or being in a position like Lance
Armstrong, and someone says to you, "You've got testicular cancer."
That's pretty tough for any male, especially if you ride a bike. (Laughter)
You've got it in your brain; you've got it in your lungs. But what was his decision
of what to focus on? Different than most people. What did it mean? It wasn't
the end; it was the beginning. What am I going to do? He goes off and wins
seven championships he never once won before the cancer, because he got
emotional fitness, psychological strength. That's the difference in human
beings that I've seen of the three million that I've been around."
Reading it just now I don't know what he means by "different" exactly. It sounds like he is saying that because Lance asked himself at least two of Tony's questions [is the third "what am I going to do?"], he won a bunch of championships he had never won before. And that's what makes Lance different from others.
I don't want to diminish Lance's accomplishments any more than he himself has done. If all of the bikers during that time period were dopers, then it's still a pretty impressive accomplishment, as his defenders are quick to tell you. On the other hand, if he started the doping, figured out how to do it better than anyone else, and the rest were just trying to catch up . . . that's not so good. And profiteering off his drug-gotten successes, and essentially becoming a source of inspiration and then disappointment for millions, was perhaps not the best example to set for our children. Anyway, I doubt Tony uses that particular example anymore.
And then back to Tony -- HE has worked with "three million people
from 80 different countries."
And it turns out that what shapes people is their "state" (a minute ago, I thought it was their decisions, and before that, I thought it was their emotions).
In the lecture itself in passing he mentions that HE can teach you how to change your state. Interestingly, that doesn't show up on the transcript. But it was another ad for HIM.
Then he says that we are shaped by "two invisible forces." One seems to be your "state." Not sure what the other one is. Possibly it's your model of the world, which shapes you long term.
And now it's the model, not the state, that causes people to make decisions. What influences people's world view? Three things -- first, what's your target? Not your desires, but your target. You can get your desires and goals. Target is apparently something different, and he won't tell us what. And now we're waiting for the other two things on this list, and they don't come -- we get a new list, and it's going to be of six things -- the six human needs. Maybe those are your target. Or maybe they have to do with the other two things that influence people.
Now he mentions a "second" -- once you know your target -- or needs -- you know those needs. I think that's what he said. But now he's on to the six needs. The needs are certainty (you rent a video you've seen before), variety (you avoid renting a video you've seen before), significance (by earning it e.g. by making more money or changing the world, or by holding a gun to someone's head, which he points out also implicates certainty and uncertainty), connection and love (we're scared of love; get a dog), growth (get bigger and better; a spiritual need), and contribution (also a spiritual need).
And now back to HIM. HE was poor, someone gave HIS family a turkey on Thanksgiving, and then HE went out and did it a few years later, and then HE went out and grew companies -- HE "got 11 companies" HE "built the foundation."now HE gives out millions of turkeys.
[update 092013 -- I keep thinking of things that annoy me about him. He's been bragging about all the companies he started since he was about 20 years old. I think it comes up in "Unlimited Power." But I'm pretty sure in those days (and today) you could go to Delaware (and probably most other states) and incorporate 20 or 30 "companies" in an afternoon, if you are so inclined. I also seem to remember him having some setbacks after incorporating those companies -- something about a business partner cheating him out of a lot of money. I have no doubt that today he has a company with a lot of employees and good revenues etc., but he was boasting about starting companies long before he really made a go of one, and that continues to bug me]
And then although we thought "contribution" was the "last thing" (we counted six), it turns out "emotion" is the last thing after all, even though at the outset, it seemed to be the first thing.
Anyway, I can't say it better than he does:
"The last thing is emotion. Now, here's what I'll tell you about emotion. There are 6,000 emotions that we all have words for in the English language, which is just a linguistic representation, right, that changes by language. But if your dominant emotions -- if I had more time, I have 20,000 people or 1,000, and I have them write down all the emotions that they experience in an average week, and I gave them as long as they needed, and on one side they write empowering emotions, the other's disempowering -- guess how many emotions people experience? Less than 12. And half of those make them feel like shit. So they got five or six good frickin' feelings, right? It's like they feel "happy, happy, excited, oh shit, frustrated, frustrated, overwhelmed, depressed." How many of you know somebody who no matter what happens finds a way to get pissed off? How many know somebody like this? (Laughter) Or, no matter what happens, they find a way to be happy or excited. How may know somebody like this? Come on."
Ok, I don't really get the point of this, either.
And now he mentions seven different beliefs, but admits that he's not going to tell them to us.
AND NOW IT GETS INTERESTING.
He ends it with 9/11. And here I don't want to be cynical, but this whole thing seemed fishy to me. And sure enough, it's used as a selling point for Tony all over the Internet.
In short, he was doing one of his workshops in Hawaii when the 9/11 attacks happened. It was 3 am in Hawaii. There was a woman there whose previous boyfriend had been murdered, and who had just the night before decided she wanted to be with her current boyfriend after all, and she'd left him a message at his job at the World Trade Center to the effect that she loved him and would marry him. And then while she was asleep, and the planes had hit, and he knew he was going to die, he left her a message back, which she (according to Tony) played for the crowd. I suppose this can all be checked, because Tony said she was on Larry King later.
[UPDATE and ASIDE 032814: I think it's worth looking at the exact quote from Tony on this:
"And then I went through this whole thing about, if you weren't going to get off this island, if nine days from now you were going to die, who would you call, what would you say, what would you do? One woman -- well, that night is when 9/11 happened -- one woman had come to the seminar and when she came there, her previous boyfriend had been kidnapped and murdered. Her friend, her new boyfriend, wanted to marry her, and she said no. He said, "If you leave and go to that Hawaii thing, it's over with us." She said, "It's over.""
[get it? Here's this woman, in this relationship with this rich guy who wants to marry her, and she wants to go to a Tony Robbins seminar and he says you do that and it's over. And so she goes -- choosing Tony over the boyfriend/marriage proposal. And THEN, at the moment of truth, as smoke is filling the room and the guy knows he's going to die, he repents and decides that it was ok for her to see Tony after all. Tony's stories all seem to come back to Tony. And the message is, even if your boyfriend girlfriend tells you you're an idiot for going to a Tony Robbins seminar, they'll still love you -- maybe even more -- in the end]
END of UPDATE and ASIDE]]
And there was a Muslim there -- a Pakistani guy -- who said that he was sorry but that this was "retribution." Tony got him on stage along with others who had lost loved ones in the World Trade Center that day, and apparently talked him out of becoming a terrorist (I think that's what he is saying). And then the guy went on to work with a Jewish guy for four years to make the world a better place, and even wrote a book, called "My Jihad, My Way of Peace."
All very impressive. If true, I guess I can't blame him for telling it.
I tried to find a reference to the Pakistani guy's book online, and it mostly only shows up on Tony Robbins-related websites. Not available at all through Amazon, not even a used copy. The author's name is Asad Ressvi, or possibly Asad Rezzvi, and he apparently gave a TED/Karachi talk in 2010, which I have yet to watch. Will do that soon. [ok, now I've done it. It's mostly another ad for Tony Robbins. But it does seem to confirm that Asad is a real person. Apparently he now works in the Pakistani telecom industry]
I have no idea what this means. It's quite possible he wrote a book, but it doesn't seem to be for sale anywhere on the internet, new or used. If anyone has any information about this story, I'd love to hear it! [the notes to Asad's 2010 video say that it will be published by a major New York publishing house very soon. So he's probably just a bit of a procrastinator -- he's been telling people he's written it since before 2006, he still hasn't published it in 2010 or 2013 -- sounds like he could use a Tony Robbins seminar! Oh, right -- Tony is just the "why guy" -- he can't provide motivation to us procrastinators]
Oh man. Of course people have been here before me. According to the internet (
http://stevenwarran.blogspot.com/2009/07/gary-lutnick-and-mysterious-ann-de.html) the woman who supposedly got the call from the man on the top of the Trade Center didn't really exist. Although she claimed to be CEO of some kind of charity, she -- Ann de Sollar -- only had a total of six google entries in 2009, all of which pointed to the Larry King show. I.e. she got on the Larry King show (apparently called in from NY, maybe no one saw her face), and told her story (
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0110/28/lklw.00.html), and then disappeared off the face of the earth. The blogger (Steve Warran, I guess, although the capitalization of the name makes me think its not real), is pretty sure that the boyfriend -- Gary Lutnick -- didn't exist either. But I can't quite figure out why. It sounds like Howard Lutnick -- CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald, and a major philanthropist, with connections to Denise Rich -- claims Gary for a brother, but the blogger seems to be persuaded that Gary never existed either. I don't really understand why and don't have time to unravel it all just now [update: it looks like the blogger might be part of the 911 "truth" movement; the title of one of his posts refers to possible controlled demolition of the WTC buildings].
It seems pretty clear to me that Gary Lutnick did exist -- why would Howard make him up? Here's a 2001 article in which Gary is said to have called his sister, saying he was about to die.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/3292123/The-day-the-joking-stopped.html.
Did I say Denise Rich? Yes, the whole thing has come full-circle back to Bill Clinton (Denise of course is the ex-wife of Marc [the fugitive crook, now deceased, RIP], who got the pardon from Bill).
And actually, Ann de Sollar probably exists too -- the blogger's problem may have been that he insisted on putting a space between "de" and "sollar." There's an Ann Desollar-Hale living in NYC and apparently sometimes practicing as a "neuropsychologist," which to me sounds like the title someone who believes in Tony Robbins would take. And she's written a self-published book called "Toddlers on Technology" (7 out of 7 five-star reviews, all voted "helpful," yet 2 millionth on Amazon's top seller list). If that's the same person, she could clear this up, although the whole thing might still be traumatic for her.
Ok, I'm stopping here. If anyone reading this was at Tony Robbins' 9/11/01 Hawaii seminar and can shed light on all this, please leave a comment. Did "Ann de Sollar" really play back the tape of "Gary Lutnick" about to die? Did Pakistani Asad Rezzvi or Ressvi really get up and say it was "retribution."? Yes, I know Tony has it all on video NOW. The question is, did it happen THEN?
In Asad's 2010 performance, he plays a preview of a Tony Robbins movie about the event. There is a clip of Tony announcing the attack -- which by then everybody had heard about -- and then there are clips of (apparently) Ann getting up and saying what she said (but not playing the recording), and Asad making his point about retribution. And then clips of Tony bringing everyone together. I guess I'll need to watch the whole movie before really judging here.
Oh, last thing.
Here's the quote of the message from Gary to "Ann" from the Larry
King Transcript:
GARY LUTNICK, VICTIM OF WTC:
Hey, baby. It's me. I'm in the World Trade Center and -- a plane hit this
building and I'm on the 104th floor and it's filling up with smoke. I love you
very much, and I'm sorry that we had to go through what it is that we went
through. Oh, my God. My life is probably going to end very, very shortly. I
love you, baby. Bye-bye.
And here's the way Tony gave
the quote:
"Honey,
I can't tell you what this means." He said, "I don't know how to tell
you this, but you gave me the greatest gift because I'm going to die." And
she played the recording for us in the room. She was on Larry King later, and
he said, "You're probably wondering how on Earth this could happen to you
twice." And he said, "All I can say to you is, this must be God's
message to you, honey. From now on, every day give your all, love your all. Don't
let anything ever stop you."
So these sound like very different quotes. The Robbins version is a bit ambiguous -- you can't tell if it's Larry King or the boyfriend talking the way he tells it, but King doesn't say anything like that on the transcript.
So that's that. I'm confused. I have a visceral distrust of Tony Robbins that only a minority on the Internet seem to share. And again, if his preachings have helped people make money, and have helped them become better people, then perhaps Tony Robbins is, on balance, a good thing. But my suspicious nature makes me wonder how much of this 9-11 thing was made up. He certainly botched the quote above. And it's a bit odd that when Ann called Larry King, she didn't even mention that Gary was Howard Lutnick's brother; that would surely have been of interest to Larry. But it would take a lot more research to really get to the bottom of this.
Actually, just to give you a sense of how lazy I am, I haven't yet tried to watch Tony Robbins's movie, which I believe is available on-line for free (I've seen links). Presumably Ann's playback of Gary's message was caught on video. If so, then either (1) it matches the audio played back on Larry King, and Tony is just being wildly inaccurate when he recounts it at TED, or (2) it doesn't, and something fishier is going on. If anyone cares enough to check this out, let me know what you find.
UPDATE 091314: I recently wrote a
post on Tony Robbins's "fire walk" scam -- where he gets seminar attendees to walk across hot coals. Although this may be a useful metaphor for the notion of "conquering one's fears," his followers seem to believe that they have participated in a mind-over-matter demonstration. They haven't.
UPDATE 120414: I recently posted on
Karen Heller's Washington Post puff piece on Tony Robbins. It turns out most of the commenters there (reproduced in my post) have the same visceral dislike of the guy that I do. As I thought about it, I concluded that really it's a male-female thing. He's the ultimate alpha male (especially when he's leading his seminars) and as a result, the rest of us men resent him (or want to be like him), while the women swoon over him. My recent post is
here.
If you've gotten this far, maybe you would be interested in my views on other matters, like
free speech and Charlie Hebdo and
Charlie Hebdo and Boko Haram,
Sony's "The Interview, as well as my question
"Why Should I be Charlie?" (featuring a hilarious clip from The Daily Show).